Blah.blah.blah.

Last night I cried so hard I didn't even notice that I fell asleep. Whoever said that those single people are the ones who are lonely at night are either over-generalizing or unaware that there are a few of us who remains to be in a relationship yet we are broken inside.

He asked me what the problem was and why he doesn't know me anymore. But whenever I tell him the truth, he tells me that I'm over-reacting, that I am a drama queen. That's why last night, when he asked me, I told him that I was okay. What's he gonna do or say, anyway, that would make me feel whole again?

He assumes that I was the one who changed.

Maybe he was right. Maybe I changed. But I was adapting from what he has been doing to me these past few months. Disappointments after disappointments. Promises broken. Favors undelivered. He treats me like a piece of cr*p, shouting at me in front of many peole. He laughs at how I dress, how I feel and how I think. He tells me that I'm ugly and fat. He pulls down my self-esteem to a negative ten. He kisses and tells almost everyone. Of course, he tells these by a way of a joke sometimes. And when I tell him that I was offended, he gets mad at me, saying that I was over-reacting.

Somehow, I lost the respect that I once have for myself. I know deep in my heart that I am beautiful. But whenever I'm with him, I suddenly ask myself where all my beauty has ran into, I feel so pathetic and ugly and weak.

I thought that when someone loves you, he would try to bring out the best in you. Then, why am I feeling the other way around? Every time we see each other, it takes a lot of effort to look for an outfit that would flaunt my every asset so that he would notice that I'm not fat or ugly. It would take hours to do my hair and make-up just to show him that I prepared myself when we are about to go on a date. But when we are together, he won't notice anything. And he would be wearing his baggy shorts and slippers. I was wearing my heels and he's on his shorts and slippers. Makes me think that maybe I am that unimportant to him. He doesn't even try to look decent when he's with me.

He keeps on telling me that he loves me. But it doesn't even show. Whenever I say something bad, he cut me off and gets mad at me, shouting or speaking in an offensive manner that makes me want to cry every time we argue. Than, he would say that I'm a cry-baby.

He wanted us to start all over again. I agreed with whatever he suggests, it keeps the conversation short and without any arguments. I have to follow him because I love him. I just want to get back the respect due to me.