Who ish MEEE?

Nothing beats a home-cooked meal especially when it was made by someone you really love just for you. Nothing beats a good talk when you know that it's for your improvement. And nothing really beats being told of what and who you are from another person's perspective.

1.25.2012

Yesterday marked the 40th day since Typhoon Sendong washed away some 3.000 dead and missing Cagay-anons, thousands of houses and shattered dreams. It marked the day that, though hurt and grieving, we all have to move forward, if not for ourselves, but for those people we lost, more importantly because those whom we love so much would want the same for us. 

On a different note (much more different from that stated above), yesterday was the start of a new you --- better new you. It would muster a lot of courage to show  your appreciation to the one who opened your eyes to the truth about you. (To my boyfriend: Thank you for telling and showing me the real me.)

It is best that you leave out reason away from this. Not to think much but to accept what was said. You know how conceited you are when all you talk about is yourself, why you wouldn't change because you're you and why people have to accept you for who you are. But that's not the case. You will still have to change your ways because you know that by doing so, you are becoming more of a person worth trusting and worth loving.

So, here's to you (myself, actually). Why not do some of these and see how it turns out? 

Talk less, LISTEN more.

Think less, EXPRESS more.

Not yourself, but OTHERS.

Don't argue, just ACCEPT.

Away pessimist, hello OPTIMIST.

There's always a first time. You can at least be one or more of those mentioned above. 

Now that you don't know anything about yourself, because your whole idea of you is different from someone else's, then it would be high time to get to know your self a little better. Never mind those mistakes you've done in the past. Never mind those people telling you that once you've made some mistakes, you're bound to do them again. Never mind when people don't like you because of such mistakes. Never mind when you can't be trusted for a long time. 

Don't prove them wrong, that would be a wrong reason for change. Just prove to yourself that you are capable of change. So what if they think that you're gonna make the same mistakes again? They were just concerned about you or concerned about the people that you love whom you will hurt if you make those same mistakes again. Focus on one goal and that is to change because you know it's for the better.

Accept the fact that you can't change overnight. But as much as possible, you have to change. When people say they accept you for who you are, they are lying. They'd still want you to change because you, yourself, of all people, want to change.

Soon, you will no longer have to ask yourself, "Who is me?" ("Who am i?"). Soon it will be, "I know me".

GIVE LOVE OR LOSE HER

I know I can be so emotional at times. I just want you to love me the way I know you could. Don't treat me like trash just because I treat you like a king. And just because you know you're right doesn't mean you have to rub in on my face and make me look like I'm the worst person in the world.

When you truly love a person, even when you know she might make stupid mistakes sometimes, you should learn how to tactfully tell her. Don't just be proud of winning your arguments because she gives in with what you say. Again, even kings know how to bow down. Don't ever ever make her feel like trash. Speak to her when you have time. When she's mad, call her. Not the other way around. When you could, hug her, even when she says she's okay. Don't leave her hanging, waiting for you as you speak with your boys. And when you have to do something, like drink or do drugs, which you know will make her sad, then stop yourself because she is more important. Give her your time not because she gives you all her time but because you love her and she's THAT important to you.

She's human. She makes mistakes. Tell her what she did, forgive her and again, don't rub it on her face. Hug her. Comfort her. Don't go asking her rhetorical questions that you know will only make her sad. Don't turn around situations just so you can put all the blame on her. You know very well how hard she tries to make your relationship work. Do your part. Do your share. She's not asking for money, she's just asking for your time -- for your love.

When she's furious, don't level to her being mad. Two raging fires cannot stop each other. Again, hug her -- comfort her. Is that too much to ask? There's a big difference with shouting at her and telling her slowly. She may be stubborn at times but she will understand in her own pace and with your voice speaking softly to her. Don't make her feel any more stupid than how she already feels. You're just adding insult to injury.

When she makes you feel happy, be grateful. When she makes you feel sad, be grateful. It means she's also sad and she wants to tell you that she's sad. Don't go blaming her for mistakes she didn't even commit. When she tells you she loves you, it means she loves you and she'll never love anyone else. If she talks to a guy, it's because she needs your attention so don't you dare tell her how less of a person you think she is. SHE JUST NEEDS YOUR ATTENTION and your setting so high a price even to that. She had to cry, beg and ask for your forgiveness. And even though you have forgiven her, you still make it look like she's the BAD guy. Don't feel so clean yourself, because you know you were once the same.

I'm writing this because there's no one to turn to. My parents, they won't listen to me even when you insist that it is me who is not talking to them. YOU DON'T KNOW THEM LIKE I DO. My brother is busy with his soon-to-be wife. My best friend is busy with her studies. My boyfriend is an expert in flipping the situation and pinning on me all the blame.

Is somebody out there who would love me the right way? Is there somebody out there who would stop all the tears from falling? Is there somebody out there who would know how to mend a broken soul? Is there somebody out there who would treat me right and not as a TRASH? Is there somebody out there willing to give me love and would actually be afraid to lose me?

Pathetic

The downside when you are no longer needed is that you are ignored.
The cons when you give your all is that you will be used.
You will feel pathetic but you will let things be because you don't know where else to get the affection that you need and that they pretend to give.

---

Remember that you'll always give your love a hundred fold and you will not be reciprocated as much as you want to. You will be upset and he'll never console you. You'll be mad and he'll be twice as mad, and before you know it, he turns the blame on you and you're the one asking for forgiveness. You'll be sad and he'll never know because he's just too overwhelmed by his righteousness and his being "right" all the time. He'll even blame you for feeling sad and he'll feel majestic about it, washing his hands clean as if he has nothing to do with how you feel. He'll say you're over-reacting or you're over thinking. Truth is, he's not thinking at all that's why you do all the thinking for both of you.

With all that has been said, with all the complaints you have against him, you will still not let him go because you blindly love him too damn much that such love supersedes all the sadness, frustrations and disappointments he has brought upon you.

When will he ever learn how to treat you right?