Fakers and Haters

I'm a hater. I hate a lot of people and it's fine with me because they hate me too and I'm not complaining.

I hate one because she's got too many hang-ups and she only thinks of herself when it comes to having too many problems. That's just too much to handle. And I hate those kind of whining losers!

I hate another because he's too damn demanding. Fuck, he doesn't own me and I'm not his dawg, or girl for that matter. He's just so vain that everything he says would be about him, his stupid dog, his lazy day and his no-good friends.

 I hate this next person because he can't get over his self. He thinks that because I used to flirt with him, then I'm madly in love with him. Oh, fuck you. Get over yourself G******** *u**. Like, it was just a damn gimmick me and Laiza have when we were out drinking. We were just competing with each other on who can get your attention first because you're the only guy there, I mean, Petros' kinda gay, and Digger is, a Diva in the making, and Choki's my effin' nephew; and I guess I won.


And yeah, all those "Who's house is this? - stuff" were part of the act, to make it more believable. Ask my bestfriend, she knows how cranky I get when I pull off a prank. Yet anyways, you still think that I'm not over you. Geeeshh, dude, get over yourself. And, like, you have to tell everyone in highschool about it. That's how immature you really are, man. And No, I'm not, for the nth time, in love with you. And you could stop telling Laiza that it's your fault I got my life into so much mess. Yeah I did. Not your fault. I'm doing good, by the way. 

Oh, for the most part, I hate almost everybody. Maybe because of my insecurities. Or maybe because deep inside I'm still faking everything that I feel.

Yes. You read it right. I'm a faker.



I pretend my way in to people I want as my friends. Maybe because, I'm not sure how I should be acting when I'm with them. Yes, call me plastic or whatever. That's me. I can't change. I won't.

But for the purpose of this blog, I'm telling you how I feel exactly.

I'm faking it all because I know it's the only way I'll survive the harsh reality that I'm in. As what Alex would always say, "Girl, fake it 'til you make it. Fake it 'til you feel it." And he's got it right, I'm faking it. I'm faking that I'm that bitchy. Yes, I maybe a bitch but not with an attitude. And now, I have to show them how bitchy and sour I can become. 

But at the end of the day, I still go back to who I really am. At the end of the day, I have to put off the mask that I've been wearing. I have to because that's the only way I know to converse with myself. I know this sounds funny, but I do talk to myself sometimes. Most of the time, actually. I'm still me. I haven't changed a bit. That hopeless romantic, the one who believes in happy endings, who believes in princes and white horses, on knights with shining armor. 

That same girl who risked her feelings at one time and had to watch her whole world shatter because of the lies and deception. Yes, I'm still that girl. That poor girl.

And the more I think about it, the more I realize that I still am in this fucking mess. I can't run away from all of these. From my past. From those people who tried to hurt me. I just can't. 

They're still there, haunting me when I'm asleep. Haunting me even when I'm awake. And even if I try to forget about them, they just won't leave my thoughts alone. 

That's when I turn to my God. The One who has been giving me all the strength I need in each day that I have to put on my mask. I know it's wrong to pretend. But it's the only way I know. The only way I choose.

So even if I end up every day, facing my laptop, or lying awake in bed, thinking of how lonely my life is, I still give myself a smile. I'm happy. I have to be. Even if not for my sake, but for the sake of those I love and protect. They're all I have and the only people who will never leave me. Maybe they will, but until then, I'm keeping them. 

I'm faking this, 'til I make it. 'Til I feel it. ♥♥