♣♥ Falling for Juan Tamad ♣♥

♣♥ Loving someone is a very hard occupation. In my ends, it's really tough, because of all the people I chose to love, I fell in love with Juan Tamad (not his real name).

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♣♥ Work and school never enticed Juan. He preferred staying at home, sleeping and daydreaming. A little chat in his Instant Messenger, downloads from the iRC, building towns at his Ikariam account and laying down in his comfy sofa are just some of his interests.

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♣♥ I met him at his best - PC games. He's an addict (MMORPG-addict), I can tell. And I was. Up until now. The difference is ~~ I know how to budget my time with school and family obligations. At least... I once KNEW. He, on the other hand, is the exact opposite. Spending more time doing nothing..

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♣♥ Still, Cupid came and shot arrows of love for the both of us ~~ Juan and me.. That's why I end up falling in love with him~

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♣♥ At first, it was okay. I thought I could lead him to change.. Little by little, I thought I could influence him. Yet, it's harder to get through that thick head of his. He wouldn't even budge if I started a sermon about his being so lazy..

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♣♥ Scheduling a date with him is a tough one, too. It has to be in the afternoon because he wakes up really really late. He picked all his classes to be in the afternoon, too. However, he still gets to school, if not absent, very very late. If he's too lazy going to school, he's even more lazy to do his homework or study his lessons. Giving him a graduating term for most of his subjects ~~ take 2 or take 3.. Will there be a take 4? I don't know.

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♣♥ Time wasted is never an issue with him~ Why worry? There's still tomorrow~ I think that's his motto. Whenever he feels tired to do something so important, he would leave it as it is.

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♣♥ I can tolerate his attitudes that much. Yet, now... I'm having doubts and second thoughts. I don't really know what's going through his head. What if I die today... Will there still be tomorrow for him? If I'm important to him, he would have done something to impress me~ not to depress nor disappoint me. Yet, I still gave him second chances... chances that proved nothing so far.

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♣♥ I'm no longer expecting much from him~ I think I'll just wait and see until he realizes that I'm no longer happy with his way of keeping things the way they are. I'm so sick of pretending to be okay when everything is NOT. He's never serious about his future... If he was, he wouldn't be sitting around and doing all his lazy stuff over and over again.

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♣♥ He knows and admits his imperfections. That's it. He left it that way. When you tell him something about him, he'll just say "I know". Period. The sad thing about this is, he's not doing anything about it. He's not changing. Not for me. Not for anyone. Not even for his own self. He loves the way he is ~~ Lazy, insensitive and hurting...

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♣♥ So, why am I still stuck with him? Must be L-O-V-E. But I'm not marrying him until I see a diploma on his hands and a pay check~ Heck! I can even remain single for the rest of my life. That's okay. Because I know, in my ends, I can and I will find a job on my own and a LIFE.

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♣♥ Juan, the clock is ticking. I'm not waiting for you and I'm no longer redirecting my decisions with my feelings, I have my brains, I'll use it even if it hurts me ~~~ a lot... Because you're just not doing anything. You just never fail to disappoint me everyday.... EVERYDAY.