♣♥ Disturbed ♣♥

♣♥ I know that I shouldn't be complaining about my life. But what am I to do? I'm so left out, so alone and so uncared for. I'm no EMO (the type that would want to cut his/her wrist off). It's just that I'm feeling so alone and this is my only outlet. Since no one would read this anyway.

♣♥ My parents are treating me differently now, realizing that I've always been a BLACK SHEEP in the family. I'm never good enough for them, there's always something wrong with me. I never did anything right for this family, instead, I always bring trouble and shame.

♣♥ My friends are no longer texting me, even my BEST friend and my SIGNIFICANT other - if we're still together, I'm not really sure. Nobody seems to remember me or if they do, I think I'm not that important for them to give a damn.

♣♥ I'm starting to lose my faith from myself, it's as if my life's starting to be a big blur - a dark cloud that I couldn't recognize - a mist that I couldn't take a grasp of. I feel like my whole existence is of waste and that I don't really have a life.

♣♥ Sometimes, when I lay myself down on my bed, just before I sleep, I think of my worth as a person. If I'm worth caring for - worth loving... Every night, I wish for a miracle to happen. I wish to relive my life back to my innocence and relearn things all over again. I wanted to be of worth to somebody. Even to just one person - it'll be enough for me.

♣♥ I know I'm not pretty nor smart... I thought, if i'm to be loved, I'll be loved for what I am and what I am not (okay, i quoted that from Anne Curtis in her movie "When Love Begins", so I attribute that to her writer). I always think about Nina's song "Someday", I thought it could happen to me in real life, that someday, someone's gonna love me, the way I wanted him to need me. But no, I can't really rely on my fantasy, as Vanessa Hudgens would sing it, "Dreams are meant for sleeping and wishes on a star just won't come true". I should've known better. It's just that I was to trusting and so loving that now, there's no love left for me.

♣♥ I'm so alone - so hurt. And I don't know if I'll be able to move on. It's as if I'm trapped in a really dark and deep pit. I keep on screaming and calling yet deep inside me, I know I shouldn't keep my hopes up for I'll just get my heart broken again.

♣♥ What's wrong with ME??? :(